Be warned - i'm lost

Why is it that no one seems to believe me when I say that i’ve got very little faith left, and when I am honest with them and tell them that I feel abandoned by God. Why do they continually come back and say ‘pray about it’ or ‘you know God hasn’t abandoned you’ or ‘maybe this is an opportunity to come closer to God’. Bullshit. I can’t pray about it. I know God won’t abandon me but it feels like he has… it’s the difference between knowing and feeling. How can I come closer to someone I can barely feel, imagine, speak to… I don’t know who God is anymore or how to have Him be apart of my life… how then do I grow closer to Him. One friend appreciated my honesty when I told them that all I had left was faith the God exists and He sent Jesus to die on the cross for me. I believe it but that’s all there is. It’s an empty faith.

After years of loving, supporting, strengthening, praying for ppl all they can offer me now is a ‘get over it’ or disbelief that I (Emily Scoble) could be this way… it sucks. Thru leaving the church I have lost my home, my family, my faith in people and my relationship with God. And yet the Bible says that God will leave the 99 to find me (the lost), if that’s true, and God hasn’t abandoned me and is looking for me, then where the heck is He?