All a bit strange...

I really should be going to bed now. I have training in the city for the new job i started last week. At a travel agency. I feel like one of THOSE people, this being the third job i've had this year, and its only April. But i plan on being at this one for a while (and i was on the first one this year for 5.5 years), thus for the next three days i'm going to sit through boring training (some may be interesting) and speed ahead through the work while others who have very little clue about computers and can't grasp the concept of - if you stuff it up it can be fixed - it may sound a little concepted of me but i've sat through enough of these types of training sessions to know what they are like. I don't see myself as a travel agent type, which is kinda making me uncomfortable with being in a room of people for three days who are all that type. I'll have to give you an update tomorrow night, once i know what its like.

Uni for the year is coming to a close. 2 HUGE assignments to submit in the next two weeks, then a test, then revision for the exam, which are over 2 weeks apart, some people might appreciate that amount of time, i don't, i want to get them over and done with!

It's kinda funny, i started this blog so i could be honest, with someone (something). I live my life only telling people a small part of who i am. Few (if any) people really know me. And if i continue on the path i'm on (and have been on for many years) then no one ever will. I've always had an excuse for being the way i am - i've changed schools many times, moved to PNG, moved back from PNG, and then was a leader at church (so needed to be their strength, and not show my own weakness). Now i'm nothing. I have few close friends (which I don't see as a bad thing at all - every friendship has a course to be run, i'm not a big fan of keeping people around just so i can say i have lots of friends) and no church home. I really have no excuse for not being honest. Now I think i'm just scared that people will see the real me, the one that i've kept hidden for so many years. And if they did see the real me then they wouldn't want to know me. Or maybe its because for so many years i've been who everyone needed me to be 'a tower of strength' completely created by God's strength. Now i don't have God's strength, and little of my own I don't want to admit to people my weakness, or even moreso, don't want to bother people with the goings on of my life because i understand how much others have going on in there's. Coming back to my point, i created this blog so hopefully i could break down some of the walls i had put up, be honest and open. But instead as i find out more people know about it and read it i'm scared of what i right... my blog is no longer faceless or nameless... i know you are there, and sometimes (i'm sorry for saying this) i wish you weren't...